I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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