thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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