I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
