I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
