he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
