if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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