Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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