So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
