I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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