i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
