SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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