I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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