Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
