bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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