I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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