What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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