Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
