im having a threesome with these popsicles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
