My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
