you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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