dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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