He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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