woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
