tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
