i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
