So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize