i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
