went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
