I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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