Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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