Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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