i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
