i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize