If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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