the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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