My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
