I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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