yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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