i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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