Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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