I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
