i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dicks are not precious.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
