Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize