Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drunk is a universal language darling
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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