fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
