Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
