i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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