you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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