somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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