Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
