Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
