Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
