We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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