ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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