Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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