dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
