Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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