I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
