In America we eat man semen.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
