I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
