he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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