I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
