I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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