found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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