New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
